While I was fixing my breakfast this morning, I was flooded with thoughts from those shitty posts we've seen all over social media about how modern women don't know how to cook, or "to catch a good man, we need to cook a good meal," or "real women cook real meals, "etc. I've been cooking for myself since I was about 7 or 8, so I never felt those posts were talking to me directly, BUT they still annoyed me. They especially annoyed me when the person posting it was a man. My first thought was always, "but do you know how to cook?"
In recent years, many women have clapped back, saying things like "why are you depending on a woman to feed you?" or "real men cook too" or "don't go into a relationship looking for your mate to be your momma." And we've even seen plenty of men clapping back in the same vein that "men should know how to cook too," or "grown men know how to feed themselves," etc. (Yes, all of this was flooding my head while I cooked because my brain never sleeps. I fell asleep late last night and my brain woke me up about 4 hours later thinking on things I needed to do today--none of which was blogging, but I write when I feel inspired, so here we are.)
So, while thinking of all these shitty social media posts (SM can really bring out the worst in humans), my brain segued to this: maybe modern women don't cook as well as women in generations past because their moms had to work. Moms who work don't have tons of time to teach their children how to cook. And maybe dad didn't know how to cook well enough to teach the children, or dad wasn't there, or neither parent was there to teach them. So, for a whole host of socioeconomic-related reasons, folks today don't cook as well.
Yes, my mom did teach me some meals, but my dad taught me to cook my first meal: tuna casserole. While home recently, we talked and joked about that. Dad's gf said, "eww, why would you teach her that?" Dad shrugged and laughed. I laughed and said, "it's easy. Noodles, tuna, and peas. Dump, mix, bake." (At the time, I forgot the binder, which I now remember is cream of mushroom soup, which I loved so much as a I kid, I ate it by itself.) Dad taught me to cook most of the things I know how. I've often joked that my dad is a renaissance man: he can stitch your clothes or your bear, build you a house or a shed, and cook you a meal or a cake. He can and has done all of these things. They don't make men like that anymore, and apparently, women either.
Nowadays, we're way too nostalgic for revisionist history pasts of yesteryear. We're nostalgic for bygone eras and people of those eras who are often quite rare in this modern age. Our modern society and economies don't afford average people the chance for one parent to stay home and live comfortably--unless there's a good amount of privilege present, and that's if someone is in a two-parent household. So we long for things that often simply are not feasible today--from either gender, for most people.
My dad knew how to do all of those things because he was raised in the country--or rural area, as we'd say today. He learned those things out of necessity. He taught me how to cook out of necessity. Both my parents worked long hours because they had to for us to make it. My mom had fixed, long hours at her own business, so she wasn't at home every day when I got out of school in the kitchen prepping dinner. Dad worked long hours too, except he had a rotation shift, but despite the rotation--for two of his three shifts, I was a latchkey kid. When I got old enough to stay home alone, I was dropped off at home and had to fix my own meals. So they taught me--mom taught me on the weekends; dad taught me whenever he could.
So as I was standing there cooking today and being flooded with all these thoughts on modern women cooking, meals I learned as a kid, my cooking skills now as an adult, I thought back to my two years cooking from delivery meal kits, which made me think back to a comment a friend said once about one of the meals. The meal I posted about was fish. We discussed how fresh it was, and the friend said something to the effect of preferring to buy their meals fresh at the store rather than getting the delivery. This has stuck with me because in that moment, I was annoyed and offended, but also, in that moment, I had NO idea why I was annoyed or offended because considering who this friend is, I knew they meant no offense. This exchange came back to me today as I considered the socioeconomic factors of why modern women may not be able to cook that well. Thinking back to that exchange, one thing that bothered me was the thought that "well, it's great you have time and effort to shop for fresh food. I don't." And in that thought, this comparative thought came: it's great for modern people whose parents were able to teach them tons of things to cook because at least one of the parents 1) didn't work by choice, 2) worked hours that afforded them to be home each night to cook, 3) had time and a large repertoire of meals to teach, 4) took time to teach their offsprings how to cook.
This isn't everyone's story.
It's a privilege nowadays for there to be a two-parent households.
It's a form of privilege to have at least one parent home when a child returns from school.
It's a even higher form of privilege if one of the parents is a stay at home parent by choice. (Questions related to this are a part of the Privilege Walk exercise.) I highly doubt ANY of these things are considered when folks create stupid SM posts like those mentioned above.
And it also isn't and should not be solely on the moms to teach the children to cook. Dads teach too.
And it shouldn't be solely on the female gendered children to be taught to cook. Male children cook too.
We all gotta eat. We all should know how to cook.
I also find it ironic that in homes, tradition dictates that mothers do the bulk of cooking, but in restaurants, men are the bulk of head chefs. So, it means that men are FULLY capable of cooking massive meals. Hmmm... make of that what you will.
I write this post with Women's History Month fully in my mind. I also write this as we've transitioned from Black History Month into Women's History Month. And as one who says we should celebrate all people and all their contributions all the time, I write this to honor my mom (thanks and rest well, lady); my dad (thank you both for the food lessons); all the single mothers and single fathers holding it down and doing the best and most with what you have; all the parents, period, trying to raise their offsprings into decent human beings and teach them how to feed themselves.
And to those of you who aren't raising decent humans--keep yo kids away from my kids. We want and need self-sufficient, fully functioning, productive citizens around here. Yes, I said what I said.
Pay attention.
Be informed
Think deeper than the surface.
In recent years, many women have clapped back, saying things like "why are you depending on a woman to feed you?" or "real men cook too" or "don't go into a relationship looking for your mate to be your momma." And we've even seen plenty of men clapping back in the same vein that "men should know how to cook too," or "grown men know how to feed themselves," etc. (Yes, all of this was flooding my head while I cooked because my brain never sleeps. I fell asleep late last night and my brain woke me up about 4 hours later thinking on things I needed to do today--none of which was blogging, but I write when I feel inspired, so here we are.)
So, while thinking of all these shitty social media posts (SM can really bring out the worst in humans), my brain segued to this: maybe modern women don't cook as well as women in generations past because their moms had to work. Moms who work don't have tons of time to teach their children how to cook. And maybe dad didn't know how to cook well enough to teach the children, or dad wasn't there, or neither parent was there to teach them. So, for a whole host of socioeconomic-related reasons, folks today don't cook as well.
Yes, my mom did teach me some meals, but my dad taught me to cook my first meal: tuna casserole. While home recently, we talked and joked about that. Dad's gf said, "eww, why would you teach her that?" Dad shrugged and laughed. I laughed and said, "it's easy. Noodles, tuna, and peas. Dump, mix, bake." (At the time, I forgot the binder, which I now remember is cream of mushroom soup, which I loved so much as a I kid, I ate it by itself.) Dad taught me to cook most of the things I know how. I've often joked that my dad is a renaissance man: he can stitch your clothes or your bear, build you a house or a shed, and cook you a meal or a cake. He can and has done all of these things. They don't make men like that anymore, and apparently, women either.
Nowadays, we're way too nostalgic for revisionist history pasts of yesteryear. We're nostalgic for bygone eras and people of those eras who are often quite rare in this modern age. Our modern society and economies don't afford average people the chance for one parent to stay home and live comfortably--unless there's a good amount of privilege present, and that's if someone is in a two-parent household. So we long for things that often simply are not feasible today--from either gender, for most people.
My dad knew how to do all of those things because he was raised in the country--or rural area, as we'd say today. He learned those things out of necessity. He taught me how to cook out of necessity. Both my parents worked long hours because they had to for us to make it. My mom had fixed, long hours at her own business, so she wasn't at home every day when I got out of school in the kitchen prepping dinner. Dad worked long hours too, except he had a rotation shift, but despite the rotation--for two of his three shifts, I was a latchkey kid. When I got old enough to stay home alone, I was dropped off at home and had to fix my own meals. So they taught me--mom taught me on the weekends; dad taught me whenever he could.
So as I was standing there cooking today and being flooded with all these thoughts on modern women cooking, meals I learned as a kid, my cooking skills now as an adult, I thought back to my two years cooking from delivery meal kits, which made me think back to a comment a friend said once about one of the meals. The meal I posted about was fish. We discussed how fresh it was, and the friend said something to the effect of preferring to buy their meals fresh at the store rather than getting the delivery. This has stuck with me because in that moment, I was annoyed and offended, but also, in that moment, I had NO idea why I was annoyed or offended because considering who this friend is, I knew they meant no offense. This exchange came back to me today as I considered the socioeconomic factors of why modern women may not be able to cook that well. Thinking back to that exchange, one thing that bothered me was the thought that "well, it's great you have time and effort to shop for fresh food. I don't." And in that thought, this comparative thought came: it's great for modern people whose parents were able to teach them tons of things to cook because at least one of the parents 1) didn't work by choice, 2) worked hours that afforded them to be home each night to cook, 3) had time and a large repertoire of meals to teach, 4) took time to teach their offsprings how to cook.
This isn't everyone's story.
It's a privilege nowadays for there to be a two-parent households.
It's a form of privilege to have at least one parent home when a child returns from school.
It's a even higher form of privilege if one of the parents is a stay at home parent by choice. (Questions related to this are a part of the Privilege Walk exercise.) I highly doubt ANY of these things are considered when folks create stupid SM posts like those mentioned above.
And it shouldn't be solely on the female gendered children to be taught to cook. Male children cook too.
We all gotta eat. We all should know how to cook.
I also find it ironic that in homes, tradition dictates that mothers do the bulk of cooking, but in restaurants, men are the bulk of head chefs. So, it means that men are FULLY capable of cooking massive meals. Hmmm... make of that what you will.
I write this post with Women's History Month fully in my mind. I also write this as we've transitioned from Black History Month into Women's History Month. And as one who says we should celebrate all people and all their contributions all the time, I write this to honor my mom (thanks and rest well, lady); my dad (thank you both for the food lessons); all the single mothers and single fathers holding it down and doing the best and most with what you have; all the parents, period, trying to raise their offsprings into decent human beings and teach them how to feed themselves.
And to those of you who aren't raising decent humans--keep yo kids away from my kids. We want and need self-sufficient, fully functioning, productive citizens around here. Yes, I said what I said.
Pay attention.
Be informed
Think deeper than the surface.
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