"She's 83" has been trending on Twitter and that's a damn shame. (As of this writing, Lady Hussey is still trending.)
Years ago, while at a professional thing (I won't name what, but those who know me and were there know what.), a friend and I and the other gathered attendees were waiting for a descendant of the Rosewood Massacre survivors to arrive at a speaking event. Folks were telling corny jokes while we waited; most jokes were slightly funny but harmless--until the last one. The last person (a white woman) told a REALLY offensive one. I won't include the joke, but I'll say it was related to the Buckwheat character from Little Rascals (her opening with "do y'all remember the Little Rascals INSTANTLY made me cringe and brace for the worst) and the joke was offensive both racially and religiously. Many people groaned and didn't laugh. If I recall correctly, there were a few audible gasps.
I was gobsmacked. I was so incensed that I had to get up and walk out for a moment. I was offended both by the joke AND the fact that the person told it in THAT setting, considering who we were there to see, considering the group who had sponsored the event, AND the type of professional event the entire thing was. She should've known better from many angles, but I guess not.
After the event ended, I decided to say something to the offending jokester. I stepped in front of her and said "excuse me, the joke you told was offensive." She looked REALLY stunned, and replied "but that was his name right?!"
That was her defense.
As if old people can't unlearn old, bad, offensive habits and ideas.
I carefully chose my words when approaching this woman at that event. I did not accuse her of being offensive or of being racist (though I thought both). I said the joke was offensive. Because actions and words are offensive, racist, bigoted, and yes, the people doing/saying those things very well may be as well, BUT some people receive it better when they hear "this thing (you just did) is offensive/racist" rather than "you are offensive/racist." No one likes to believe they are harming others, and while I rarely give two shits about an offensive person's feelings, I know that if I have any hope of them hearing me, they can't feel attacked. I'm under no delusion that that woman gave any shits about what I said to her, but I hope she remembers the encounter. I would hope she sat with what I said and perhaps asked other folks she knows whether the joke was offensive or not. I would hope SOMEONE in her circle would've said "oh my god yes. You told that joke in public and WHERE?! Sweet night! Don't tell that joke anymore ever." I would hope someone of her own background called her in and helped her begin to see that "yes, this is offensive, you need to evolve." I would hope, but I won't hold my breath.
Just like I won't hold my breath that Susan Hussey, formerly of the Buckingham Palace staff (whatever the hell her official title was), will learn anything from her racist, micro-aggressive hounding of Ngozi Fulani of Sistah Space.
This relates to the racist, offensive encounter between Susan Hussey and Ngozi Fulani at an event hosted by the current Queen Consort Camilla, King Charles wife (former Duchess of Cornwall and former, former longtime side-piece). For too long, we've let age excuse shitty behavior--well, let me clarify, we've let age excuse shitty behavior from white people, even when they were WELL past an age at which they should've known better and even when we've allowed them to be called "kids" when they were in their 30s and 40s. I reject that and I call it bullshit. 1) because I have my own racist encounter as to why, and 2) no other race is allowed to use age as an excuse for being shitty or offensive.
Years ago, while at a professional thing (I won't name what, but those who know me and were there know what.), a friend and I and the other gathered attendees were waiting for a descendant of the Rosewood Massacre survivors to arrive at a speaking event. Folks were telling corny jokes while we waited; most jokes were slightly funny but harmless--until the last one. The last person (a white woman) told a REALLY offensive one. I won't include the joke, but I'll say it was related to the Buckwheat character from Little Rascals (her opening with "do y'all remember the Little Rascals INSTANTLY made me cringe and brace for the worst) and the joke was offensive both racially and religiously. Many people groaned and didn't laugh. If I recall correctly, there were a few audible gasps.
I was gobsmacked. I was so incensed that I had to get up and walk out for a moment. I was offended both by the joke AND the fact that the person told it in THAT setting, considering who we were there to see, considering the group who had sponsored the event, AND the type of professional event the entire thing was. She should've known better from many angles, but I guess not.
After the event ended, I decided to say something to the offending jokester. I stepped in front of her and said "excuse me, the joke you told was offensive." She looked REALLY stunned, and replied "but that was his name right?!"
Again, I won't say the joke, but it floored me that she was more concerned about whether she got the character's name right than that it was an offensive joke. (Kinda like how people are more concerned with being called racist and the racist act itself and the harm it causes.)
I leaned in. "It's still offensive."
Her: "I mean, but I did get the name right, right?
Me: "it's still offensive."
Her: "Well, I, but ..." (throws hands up) "well, I'm old."
Me: "STILL offensive."
And I walked away. My friend stayed with me.
Despite there being a bank of like 4 elevators, my friend and I along with the racist lady and her friend ended up on the same elevator going up. That was an ICY elevator ride. My friend stayed on the elevator with me (past their own floor) because the woman and her male friend were still on when my floor came up. My friend wanted to both make sure I was ok and to keep me safe. I'm thankful for my friendship with them. (You know who you are.)
"But I'm old."
I leaned in. "It's still offensive."
Her: "I mean, but I did get the name right, right?
Me: "it's still offensive."
Her: "Well, I, but ..." (throws hands up) "well, I'm old."
Me: "STILL offensive."
And I walked away. My friend stayed with me.
Despite there being a bank of like 4 elevators, my friend and I along with the racist lady and her friend ended up on the same elevator going up. That was an ICY elevator ride. My friend stayed on the elevator with me (past their own floor) because the woman and her male friend were still on when my floor came up. My friend wanted to both make sure I was ok and to keep me safe. I'm thankful for my friendship with them. (You know who you are.)
"But I'm old."
That was her defense.
As if old people can't unlearn old, bad, offensive habits and ideas.
As if age is supposed to give folks a free pass to never evolve, to never grow, to never learn better and do better.
As if being old(er) is supposed to grant folks automatic forgiveness when in reality, older people of certain backgrounds were in the crowds, jeering, name-calling, and throwing shit (sometimes actual shit) and otherwise berating people from marginalized groups who were just trying to live their lives and grab a little more of the alleged American Dream, as recent news about an old picture of a very powerful NFL owner has shown.
As if age gives her a right to STILL be racist, but I'm sure she applauds herself for never saying ni&&er in public because after all there are whole ass generations of white people for whom THAT is the litmus test: "I never call anyone ni&&er or other racial slurs, so what's the harm in saying an offensive joke. What's the harm in rapping it in songs? What's the harm in reading racial slurs aloud when talking about it academically? I never say it otherwise, so what's wrong? I can't be racist."
"But it's STILL offensive."
As if age gives her a right to STILL be racist, but I'm sure she applauds herself for never saying ni&&er in public because after all there are whole ass generations of white people for whom THAT is the litmus test: "I never call anyone ni&&er or other racial slurs, so what's the harm in saying an offensive joke. What's the harm in rapping it in songs? What's the harm in reading racial slurs aloud when talking about it academically? I never say it otherwise, so what's wrong? I can't be racist."
"But it's STILL offensive."
I carefully chose my words when approaching this woman at that event. I did not accuse her of being offensive or of being racist (though I thought both). I said the joke was offensive. Because actions and words are offensive, racist, bigoted, and yes, the people doing/saying those things very well may be as well, BUT some people receive it better when they hear "this thing (you just did) is offensive/racist" rather than "you are offensive/racist." No one likes to believe they are harming others, and while I rarely give two shits about an offensive person's feelings, I know that if I have any hope of them hearing me, they can't feel attacked. I'm under no delusion that that woman gave any shits about what I said to her, but I hope she remembers the encounter. I would hope she sat with what I said and perhaps asked other folks she knows whether the joke was offensive or not. I would hope SOMEONE in her circle would've said "oh my god yes. You told that joke in public and WHERE?! Sweet night! Don't tell that joke anymore ever." I would hope someone of her own background called her in and helped her begin to see that "yes, this is offensive, you need to evolve." I would hope, but I won't hold my breath.
Just like I won't hold my breath that Susan Hussey, formerly of the Buckingham Palace staff (whatever the hell her official title was), will learn anything from her racist, micro-aggressive hounding of Ngozi Fulani of Sistah Space.
And oh my god, she touched and moved Ms. Fulani's hair to see her name tag. And how many times did she ask her "where are you from? No, where are you really from?" And how often do Black Brits get asked this type question? A LOT. It's a common microaggression question here in the U.S. as well. I am even a bit loathe to admit to ignorantly asking it of someone in my youth. I feel ashamed of that question any time I asked it, BUT I grew the fuck up, learned better, have done better, and try to get others to unlearn the fuckery, then learn better, and do better.
"But she's 83."
AND?!
Age is not a fucking excuse for horrible, racist, offensive behavior. But as I watched this video interview from Sky News on British television with Dr. Shola Mos-Shogbamimu and actress Kelechi Okafor (both Black British), I learned that for a LONG time the monarchy has been exempted from evolving in ways the rest of British society were forced to--esp. as it relates to race. I guess they also didn't pay much attention to, oh I don't know the past several years of racial protests and societal changes as a result of those protests. Or in Hussey's case, ANY of the civil rights movements (in UK and US) or ANY other racially-related shifts in society. Likely not. Because she didn't have to. So it isn't that she's 83. It's that she's stuck in the mentality of whatever era society was in when she FIRST entered her service in the Buckingham Palace.
Age is not a fucking excuse for horrible, racist, offensive behavior. But as I watched this video interview from Sky News on British television with Dr. Shola Mos-Shogbamimu and actress Kelechi Okafor (both Black British), I learned that for a LONG time the monarchy has been exempted from evolving in ways the rest of British society were forced to--esp. as it relates to race. I guess they also didn't pay much attention to, oh I don't know the past several years of racial protests and societal changes as a result of those protests. Or in Hussey's case, ANY of the civil rights movements (in UK and US) or ANY other racially-related shifts in society. Likely not. Because she didn't have to. So it isn't that she's 83. It's that she's stuck in the mentality of whatever era society was in when she FIRST entered her service in the Buckingham Palace.
So, yeah, she's 83.
And racist.
And stuck in time.
And now, she's out of a job, but I'm sure she'll be fine. She's an 83 year old white woman, in a country where she's served the monarchy for decades. I'm sure they've already got a nice house picked out for her.
As for the rest of us, evolve and adapt; learn better and do better; or get called out for offensive, dumb shit.
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