Although no one asked me and I'm sure no one will, I'm gonna share my 12 cents about Will Smith smacking Chris Rock. I'll be real honest... it's complicated. My thoughts and feelings are entangled.
My feelings come from my multiple identity groups in these United States and on this planet with other fallible humans.
As a fallible human who works hard to process her own emotions and unlearn the habit of hitting when angry, no, it's not cool that Smith hit Rock. But as an intersectional person who analyzes the shit outta everything, it ain’t so cut and dry.
As a Black woman, I KNEW this morning that much of white America (and white ppl anywhere) would respond very differently than most Black folks. I also knew that depending on the class, background, and upbringing of some white folks, they likely understood how many Black folks felt and feel because the older I get, the more I see how class and race intersect in SO many ways.
As a Black woman, who just witnessed so many (mostly white) men in the U.S. Senate berate an extremely qualified Black woman, it's hard to see yet another Black man make a joke at the expense of a Black woman. The joke was wrong.
As a Black woman who is so used to NOT seeing Black men in the public eye defend their Black wife, it was good to see that defense though I wish things had gone differently—happened backstage? (In an elevator? Get your bodyguards or friends to handle it afterwards?) Maybe out of the global, public eye? Maybe the yelling and cussing could've sufficed? But I also know we don't know what we'd do in a similar situation.
As a Black woman who was raised in a relatively patriarchal household, I was raised to know and trust that a Black man is supposed to defend and protect his loved ones and home, regardless of the personal cost to him. Smith has talked about this before. Hell, my mom used to joke that my dad would "fight a wet brick to protect me," and I've never doubted that protection--from my brother, my dad, or my mate.
As a Black woman, I feel compelled to defend Smith although I FULLY see I've been conditioned to defend Black men to the larger, white world, even when they are wrong and harming others, because we defend and protect in public and criticize at home. As Black people in these United States, most of us are raised to know the white world outside of home will tear us to shreds and we fight and defend ourselves to that world and handle our affairs at home. You address folks who step to you or yours sideways and let the chips fall where they may. Unfortunately, when you get older and have these folks type money, you can handle that shit in different ways.
As a Black wife, to borrow a phrase from my loved one “my [mate] BETTER defend me if I’m not in a position to do so myself.” So also a Black wife, I really wish Pinkett-Smith had said or done something herself, but my goddess, the reaction likely would’ve been worse. While we’re all keenly aware of the negative stereotypes about aggressive, angry Black men, my goddess, the angry Black woman trope. Baby Black Jesus be a fence! We wouldn’t be parsing the nuances of what happened today. There wouldn’t be think pieces acknowledging Rock’s previous comments about Pinkett-Smith from Oscars 2016, or Smith’s past traumas and acknowledgements, or Rock’s docu on Black hair, or informational articles about alopecia. It just would’ve been “angry Black woman who’ll never work again in Hollywood.”
As a Black person, I instantly feared what the white world would declare about Black people in general because there's no way this gets individualized to just these 3 people. White people get to be individuals. Black folks are always representatives of our entire race. So as a Black person in these United States who is an ADOS, who has been raised to know that I AM my brother's keeper, to defend those you love with everything you have because no one else will do and the world won't give you shit, that sometimes we have to throw hands to defend, I understand.
As a Black person, I really wish it didn't happen in that setting--for the whole, watching world to see.
As a human, we all feel emotions. Sometimes those angry emotions get the better of us. Sometimes our vulnerability is on full display for the world to see, but how we respond to those outbursts and how we persevere on the other side is the mark of a developed person.
So, I close with this gif:
You decide who I'm directing this towards--Rock or Smith.
My feelings come from my multiple identity groups in these United States and on this planet with other fallible humans.
As a fallible human who works hard to process her own emotions and unlearn the habit of hitting when angry, no, it's not cool that Smith hit Rock. But as an intersectional person who analyzes the shit outta everything, it ain’t so cut and dry.
As a fallible human who knows in general that one should not choose violence as a first response, but who also acknowledges that sometimes, just sometimes, choosing violence can be the answer, well, it's still complicated.
As a fan of Smith and Rock, ugh, this is hella messy. (I know my fandom has nothing to do with this and honestly, it doesn't make me dislike either of them any less. It just makes shit complicated.)
As a fan of Will Smith, oh my god, is his career over? Are they gonna take his award back? Kick him out the Academy? Take his SAG card? If it is, what a jacked way for it to end--the night he gets the biggest award of his movie career is also perhaps the lowest point of his acting career and personal life as a human. And while his star status may be huge and he has been beloved by millions of all races, we still know very well that some folks can get away with shitty behavior (domestic violence, serious addictions, assault, fraud, and yes, even smacking the shit outta people publicly) and rebound just fine while others, not so much. And we know very well that race is often a deciding factor.
As a fan of Smith and Rock, ugh, this is hella messy. (I know my fandom has nothing to do with this and honestly, it doesn't make me dislike either of them any less. It just makes shit complicated.)
As a fan of Will Smith, oh my god, is his career over? Are they gonna take his award back? Kick him out the Academy? Take his SAG card? If it is, what a jacked way for it to end--the night he gets the biggest award of his movie career is also perhaps the lowest point of his acting career and personal life as a human. And while his star status may be huge and he has been beloved by millions of all races, we still know very well that some folks can get away with shitty behavior (domestic violence, serious addictions, assault, fraud, and yes, even smacking the shit outta people publicly) and rebound just fine while others, not so much. And we know very well that race is often a deciding factor.
He’s worked REALLY hard damn near his entire career to have this polished facade—so much so that there have been persistent rumors about Will and Jada for YEARS because they were so closed off. And even now that they’ve shifted into this polished vulnerability stage of their lives and careers (largely due to Red Table Talk and Will's Instagram), what does this do to him, his star status, his career? Look, I’m not losing sleep over whether or not a millionaire has pissed away his career over a flash of (righteous) anger that was televised to a global audience, but if his career is over because of this, all I can say is “damn!” (In that Will Smith way. You KNOW exactly which “damn” I’m talking about because Will is so ubiquitous.) But a deeper part of me also cringes because this has happened to a Black man, a beloved, complex, Black man at a simultaneously high point of his career. (Update: and now that an official review is under way, suspension or expulsion are very real possibilities. But also, please note who else has been expelled and for why.)
As a fan of Chris Rock and of his documentary Good Hair, I'm rather disappointed in this distasteful "joke." The joke was misogynoir. And when did the Oscars become comedy roasts? And also, why is this the SECOND time Rock has made a joke about Pinkett-Smith at the Oscars? (I mean, what's really going on?) And while we’re talking about Good Hair, if I recall correctly, that movie doesn’t really address hair loss, or more specifically alopecia, which IS a part of the larger conversation on Black women’s hair.
As a fan of comedy, jokes are jokes, but isn't it pretty much an accepted concept that you don't make fun of people's known medical conditions. Pinkett-Smith has been publicly talking about her alopecia for awhile now (since a 2018 ep of RTT to be specific) although she just recently decided to cut it all off. And again, the "joke" didn't land well from the beginning (indicated by Rock saying, "oh, come on, that was a nice one" right before the smack), was distasteful, and I repeat, was misogynoir.
As a fan of comedy, we all know and see that comedy is and should be evolving. Hannah Gadsby's Nanette challenged us to do that. When comedians make jokes that seriously offend, like any other human, they should make amends. Why does comedy have to continue to punch down on Black women? Can't it evolve past misogynoir?
As someone who knows and loves someone with alopecia (and the child of a mother who had chemo-related alopecia), I KNOW I would defend and protect my loved ones from any attack related to their hair loss or chosen baldness or any damn thing else. In fact, when my mom was still alive, a customer who hadn't seen her since she'd cut her hair off walked in her shop and stood there, staring, mouth agape. Before my mom saw, I jumped up and stood between him and my mom so she wouldn't see. I don't recall what I said, but I distracted him enough for him to stop staring like a deer in headlights, so my mom wouldn't see. My mom was VERY self-conscious about being bald, and I didn't want her to experience anything extra that would harm her emotionally in that moment esp. since her hair loss was tied to a health matter that was already weighing her down. Fortunately, the customer backed off and didn't engage further, but would I have thrown hands or cussed him if he had said something? Probably. “Try Jesus, Not Me” was my motto even before Tobe's song and I had the words for it. Or a few other ways we used to say it back in the day were: “ask ya mama, not me ‘cause I ain’t the one”; "I ain't always been saved”; "Jesus just saved you from an ass-whooping”—just to name a few.
As a woman in a society that conditions us to praise long, flowy hair (and perhaps a society that FINALLY allows Black women to praise our curly, kinky, coily hair, or none at all. Shout-out CROWN Act.), I can only imagine the struggle it must be to choose to lean into the hair loss and completely go bald. Look at how long both Pinkett-Smith and Rep. Ayanna Pressley chose to keep up the charade despite the continued hair loss and continued private struggles. I think of my loved one and what they went through with the thinning hair before finally letting it go. How long they still chose to wear wigs even after they cut it all off until they finally said "fuck it!" And they STILL get stares. STILL get called "sir." Look at the bravery that it takes to lean into the baldness in a world that praises hair, esp. this predominantly Christian country that says a woman's long hair is her glory. (So, bald folks don't have glory? Pfffft! Fuck that noise.) Look at the beauty in that personal triumph. And look at society (esp. men) still choosing to make jokes at our expenses. Look at the society that says women still need to check their emotions and still maintain their composure in the face of jokes, accusations, misgendering and do all this while always look beautiful, according to Euro-centric standards.
And therein lies the rub…
As a fan of Chris Rock and of his documentary Good Hair, I'm rather disappointed in this distasteful "joke." The joke was misogynoir. And when did the Oscars become comedy roasts? And also, why is this the SECOND time Rock has made a joke about Pinkett-Smith at the Oscars? (I mean, what's really going on?) And while we’re talking about Good Hair, if I recall correctly, that movie doesn’t really address hair loss, or more specifically alopecia, which IS a part of the larger conversation on Black women’s hair.
As a fan of comedy, jokes are jokes, but isn't it pretty much an accepted concept that you don't make fun of people's known medical conditions. Pinkett-Smith has been publicly talking about her alopecia for awhile now (since a 2018 ep of RTT to be specific) although she just recently decided to cut it all off. And again, the "joke" didn't land well from the beginning (indicated by Rock saying, "oh, come on, that was a nice one" right before the smack), was distasteful, and I repeat, was misogynoir.
As a fan of comedy, we all know and see that comedy is and should be evolving. Hannah Gadsby's Nanette challenged us to do that. When comedians make jokes that seriously offend, like any other human, they should make amends. Why does comedy have to continue to punch down on Black women? Can't it evolve past misogynoir?
As someone who knows and loves someone with alopecia (and the child of a mother who had chemo-related alopecia), I KNOW I would defend and protect my loved ones from any attack related to their hair loss or chosen baldness or any damn thing else. In fact, when my mom was still alive, a customer who hadn't seen her since she'd cut her hair off walked in her shop and stood there, staring, mouth agape. Before my mom saw, I jumped up and stood between him and my mom so she wouldn't see. I don't recall what I said, but I distracted him enough for him to stop staring like a deer in headlights, so my mom wouldn't see. My mom was VERY self-conscious about being bald, and I didn't want her to experience anything extra that would harm her emotionally in that moment esp. since her hair loss was tied to a health matter that was already weighing her down. Fortunately, the customer backed off and didn't engage further, but would I have thrown hands or cussed him if he had said something? Probably. “Try Jesus, Not Me” was my motto even before Tobe's song and I had the words for it. Or a few other ways we used to say it back in the day were: “ask ya mama, not me ‘cause I ain’t the one”; "I ain't always been saved”; "Jesus just saved you from an ass-whooping”—just to name a few.
As a woman in a society that conditions us to praise long, flowy hair (and perhaps a society that FINALLY allows Black women to praise our curly, kinky, coily hair, or none at all. Shout-out CROWN Act.), I can only imagine the struggle it must be to choose to lean into the hair loss and completely go bald. Look at how long both Pinkett-Smith and Rep. Ayanna Pressley chose to keep up the charade despite the continued hair loss and continued private struggles. I think of my loved one and what they went through with the thinning hair before finally letting it go. How long they still chose to wear wigs even after they cut it all off until they finally said "fuck it!" And they STILL get stares. STILL get called "sir." Look at the bravery that it takes to lean into the baldness in a world that praises hair, esp. this predominantly Christian country that says a woman's long hair is her glory. (So, bald folks don't have glory? Pfffft! Fuck that noise.) Look at the beauty in that personal triumph. And look at society (esp. men) still choosing to make jokes at our expenses. Look at the society that says women still need to check their emotions and still maintain their composure in the face of jokes, accusations, misgendering and do all this while always look beautiful, according to Euro-centric standards.
And therein lies the rub…
As a Black woman, I KNEW this morning that much of white America (and white ppl anywhere) would respond very differently than most Black folks. I also knew that depending on the class, background, and upbringing of some white folks, they likely understood how many Black folks felt and feel because the older I get, the more I see how class and race intersect in SO many ways.
And even this morning when I reflected back on my first thoughts last night (oh, no. Is his career over? What are these white folks gonna think?) compared to my first thoughts this morning. I realized that BOTH are wrapped up in how white folks perceive us--at our best and damn sure at our worst because the worst is almost always what's expected, yet Smith has lived 20, no 30 years with this polished, adored by white folks identity--and in one action, that's likely all erased because now many likely see him just like they expect us to be.
As a Black woman, who just witnessed so many (mostly white) men in the U.S. Senate berate an extremely qualified Black woman, it's hard to see yet another Black man make a joke at the expense of a Black woman. The joke was wrong.
As a Black woman who is so used to NOT seeing Black men in the public eye defend their Black wife, it was good to see that defense though I wish things had gone differently—happened backstage? (In an elevator? Get your bodyguards or friends to handle it afterwards?) Maybe out of the global, public eye? Maybe the yelling and cussing could've sufficed? But I also know we don't know what we'd do in a similar situation.
As a Black woman who was raised in a relatively patriarchal household, I was raised to know and trust that a Black man is supposed to defend and protect his loved ones and home, regardless of the personal cost to him. Smith has talked about this before. Hell, my mom used to joke that my dad would "fight a wet brick to protect me," and I've never doubted that protection--from my brother, my dad, or my mate.
As a Black woman, I feel compelled to defend Smith although I FULLY see I've been conditioned to defend Black men to the larger, white world, even when they are wrong and harming others, because we defend and protect in public and criticize at home. As Black people in these United States, most of us are raised to know the white world outside of home will tear us to shreds and we fight and defend ourselves to that world and handle our affairs at home. You address folks who step to you or yours sideways and let the chips fall where they may. Unfortunately, when you get older and have these folks type money, you can handle that shit in different ways.
As a Black wife, to borrow a phrase from my loved one “my [mate] BETTER defend me if I’m not in a position to do so myself.” So also a Black wife, I really wish Pinkett-Smith had said or done something herself, but my goddess, the reaction likely would’ve been worse. While we’re all keenly aware of the negative stereotypes about aggressive, angry Black men, my goddess, the angry Black woman trope. Baby Black Jesus be a fence! We wouldn’t be parsing the nuances of what happened today. There wouldn’t be think pieces acknowledging Rock’s previous comments about Pinkett-Smith from Oscars 2016, or Smith’s past traumas and acknowledgements, or Rock’s docu on Black hair, or informational articles about alopecia. It just would’ve been “angry Black woman who’ll never work again in Hollywood.”
As a Black person, I instantly feared what the white world would declare about Black people in general because there's no way this gets individualized to just these 3 people. White people get to be individuals. Black folks are always representatives of our entire race. So as a Black person in these United States who is an ADOS, who has been raised to know that I AM my brother's keeper, to defend those you love with everything you have because no one else will do and the world won't give you shit, that sometimes we have to throw hands to defend, I understand.
As a Black person, I really wish it didn't happen in that setting--for the whole, watching world to see.
As a human, we all feel emotions. Sometimes those angry emotions get the better of us. Sometimes our vulnerability is on full display for the world to see, but how we respond to those outbursts and how we persevere on the other side is the mark of a developed person.
So, I close with this gif:
Comments
Post a Comment